I sometimes feel confused. I get this feeling that I should be doing something else, something more constructive, or something more interesting. It’s a hard feeling to pinpoint. My brain kind of runs around in circles, trying to figure out what it is I’m trying to think. I guess It feels like I am thinking too many thoughts at once, and I can’t distinguish between them all.
I think it’s boredom, though I’m not entirely sure. But it feels like I should have a solution, like I should know a way to make it stop. But I can’t quite put my finger on it. So I run through my list of hobbies, and mentally decide whether I want to do them or not, usually when I feel like this, I don’t want to do any of them. It seems like each one of them would be unfulfilling.
I also feel a distinct lack of satisfaction, even if I’m right where I thought I wanted to be. I find myself longing for the next adventure, or the next exciting thing, or the next hobby. My brain decides to focus on one particular thing (Like looking for a new job or finding out how to do something), and so I fixate on it briefly, and then the cycle repeats.
This is why I’m writing this post now. I can’t get out of my head. So I figured I’d try to put all my thoughts down, to see if I could make sense of them. I don’t think it helped.
It’s like I’m longing for the past and the future all at once, as if I’m sitting here, wishing all those great moments from the past, would happen again in my future. It makes it very difficult to enjoy the present, and because the future is perpetually approaching, I wonder if I will ever be satisfied with what I have.
Maybe it’s because I have too much time on my hands. Maybe I’m not alone in thinking this way. I dunno. I just thought I’d type it all up, even if it’s just for myself!